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My Life  Not too much goin on. Incase you read this and not my MYSPACE... just know that basically all I want for Christmas is for people to realize the TRUE meaning of Christams. When I say people... I am including myself. Read my MYSPACE for more info. The link is- http://www.myspace.com/42852832 go to it Idk... I don't know about anything anymore. I REALLY like him. That's all I know. I mean REALLY, and everyone is telling me to give it time. Time is an enemy. Time just makes things WORSE! I hate time. Evertime I see him, it makes my heart ache more, because I know we'll never be more. That's all. Good nite. JEss WOW!!!! NYC was a blast!!!! This is going to be a long entry- but I'm going to tell you ALL about it! Well, we left right after school Tuesday. Our plane was LATE, and then the car we had rented to pick us up from the airport broke down. SO no limo. :( oh well. Then we got to the hotel.. BEAUTIFUL.. and ordered room service! BEST CHEESECAKE EVER! Then bed. Then Wednesday we woke up and did some sidewalk shopping before heading into a couple of stores. That was tons of fun, and we ate at this place called the "University Resteruant", where I sat 2 tables away from Fabor from Trading Spaces! Then we went back to the hotel to get ready for the play. We were going to see Lion King on broadway. But before that we went to dinner. We had tried to get a reservation at Carmines, an Italian place, but it didn't work out, so we ended up going to Bubba Gumps seafood. I wasn't excited, but it was pretty good. Acutally, it rocked. We had this really cool (CUTE) waitor named Tommy, and he flirted the whole time. They played " Forset Gump" triva between tables, and that was fun. My aunt told Tommy it was my sweet 16 so he along with all the SINGE MALE WAITORS came and sang happy birthday to me, and make me get up and dance. Too bad there was no camera... NOT! Then he told me that for my 21st birthday he and were going to to go to Hawaii, because that's where he really wants to go. OMG it was FUN! All these hot waitors were dancing with me and all that kind of stuff! Then we went to the play. A-MA-ZING! That's all I have to say! Wow... then we went back and got ice cream at Ben And Jerrys. Yes, ice cream in NYC in November. Then Thursday we got up early and went to the Parade. It was great. We were right across the street from where the M&M Balloon crashed into the light pole and the bulb fell on those 2 women. But it was only minor injuries. That was good. SO then we went back to the hotel and got all dressed up for dinner. FANCY SMANCY! LET ME TELL YOU! Our view was overlooking NYC and the empire state building. That rocked. We all looked SO good!!! Then we got up early Friday morning to go to the Today show in hopes I'd get on T.V. with my sign, but I didn't. But hey, that's ok. Then we went back and got Grandmommie and Grandaddie, but we found out Grandaddie's brother died, and they had to leave Saturday. That day, anyhow, we did a little side street shopping, and I bought a few Christmas Presents, and then we went to the Sony wonder museum, the Metropolitan Museum of Art, and then walked through Central Park and then went back to the hotel to try to find Grandparents an earlier flight home. Then we went to a steak resteraunt for dinner because that's where Grandaddy wanted to eat. Then we all came back to the hotel and went to bed. Then we slept in until like 9:30 then went SHOPPING at MACY'S for me! FUN FUN FUN! I got LOTS of cool clothes. Then we met up with my Aunt cindi's friends for the Rockettes show, then went back to the hotel to drop bags, and then went to littly Italy for dinner. YUMMY YUMMY! Great Italian food! OH MY GOODNESS! BEST EVER! Then to the bakery for conolies, then hotel, packing, bed, and left this morning. Flights were great on the way home. My mom's friend Bonnie was supposed to pick us up, but she got sick, so my friend from church, Jane, was bringing her son and his wife ( MANDY!!!!! One of my BESTEST friends) to the airport to go back to Nebraska. Their flight left at like 4:30, and ours got in at 2:30, and they had to be there at 2:30. But we thought they were leaving at 2:30, so I was bummed, because I didn't get to see her at all during Thanksgiving, BUT SHE WAS AT BAGGAGE CLAIM WITH JANE! The first thing she said when she walked in to check her bags was "I hope the lines are short enough that we can get checked in and go see Jessica before we have to go to the gate!" YES! She thought about me! Gosh, I love that girl! She rocks! I miss her so much. She needs to come back! So then mom, Jane, me, and Jane's son Derek, and his wife Jen all headed for home. But it took over 2 hours to get home from Charlotte. But that's ok, because I love everyone in that car so dearly that I didn't mind it one bit! Jen is actually really cool. I hadn't spent much time with her in the past, but she is actually a really coolio person. That rocks, because, while Mandy will ALWAYS be my fav.. jen is in Raliegh, and I can spend lots of time with her, since Mandy's in Nebraska, and I hardly EVER get to see her. When I need a really neato person to hang out with to just GET AWAY FROM IT ALL Jen will be there since Mandy can't be. But... I hope Mandy moves back here REALLY soon!!!!! Because NOBODY can take her place, even though Jen's up there! So then I went to church, and saw all the coolio people there! Yes... Zach was there, and yes, I still like him. Like... A LOT! I mean... I really like him! I get discouraged though, because I know i'm too late. I know he used to like me, but I waited too long. I was so hung up on this Guy at Caswell, that Zach lost interest. Well, it's my loss. He's such a great guy, and I know he'd be good for me. But, like Kara said, "keep your chin up my dear.. your prince will come, i promise". So... if he's the one, then it will happen. I just hope I didn't screw up too big this time to fix it. Well, I'm sleepy, so I'm off to bed. Love ya'll! ME Current mood:  exhausted.Current music: CHRISTMAS MUSIC!. Wow... A LOT has been going on. I've been SO sick! And I have to have an MRI done at 6:30 in the morning. I'm getting REALLY nervous. I'm not nervous about the proceedure, just the resutls. I don't want anything bad to come out of it. But I'm REALLY nervous... but I've got the thought "the Lord is my shepherd. In whom shall I fear? In what shall I be afraid?" So... I'll be ok. Even if something is wrong, He'll take control and deal with it, and make it better. Pray for me. Current mood:  nervous.Current music: God is in Control. It's been a while. Let's see if I remember how to do this... oh yes... just talk like crazy... I can do this!!! Well, I've been really sick for over a week. Not able to keep anything I eat down, and not being able to drink anything, and sleeping 18-20 hours a day. No fun at all!!!! This weekend I've been staying with my grandparents b/c my mom, and aunt, and their friends Bonnie and Melody all went to Myrtle Beach Christmas shopping. I hope they're having a good time!!! I got a happy call today! Miss Casey Crowley called me, and we talked for a long time! I hate her being away at college, b/c we never get to talk anymore. My Casey Dearest is gone... :(. But tonight she came back!!!! :) We talked for probably like an hour maybe... idk, when talking to her time just FLYS by!!!! :) She made my night. Honestly, when I looked at my phone and it said "casey cell" I was like "WHAT?!?!?!" At first I thought something was wrong, but then she said she just wanted to talk. It was a good time, good time. Well, it's late and I have to get up early in the morning for church, so I'm out. Night night ya'll! Oh yes... and... boys are so confusing. I like this one... and omg... it's so hard! He used to like me, but not anymore. Who knows what's going through his head? Love ya'll! Current mood:  content.Current music: Building 429 & Third Day. Wow.... what a weekend. It's been good and bad. I got that dumb baby thing at school on Friday. It has kept me up ALL weekend! I sang at the game on Friday night. it went well. I thought we did a good job! Saturday I went to a carnival with Tiffany. It was ok. Sort of boring... but there was a really hott hott hott guy there so it was all good. Then Sunday we had church. Tiff spent the night w/me and went to church. It was good. I sang in late service. I think I did a good job. Or at least an OK job. Then monday I went to the movies with Tiffany and Justin. I had a REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY good time. I do however, feel bad. Yes, I really do. I hurt one of my friends REAL bad. I don't want to do that. Today I didn't go to school. I've been sick ALL weekend, and am just now getting a little better. Well, gotta go. Dumb baby alert. LOVE YOU! Current mood: I hate babies!.Current music: All babies should DIE. Oh my stars... today was good, even choir. I talked to Hearn. It ended up that he is in a perdicament and he doesn't know what's gonna happen. Can't say anymore, b/c I don't know how many more people know, so I'm keepin it to myself for now. All I know is, I love Mr. Hearn, and its all good. David wrote me this note today about how he is worried about me and he wants me to talk to him... NO! He is one of the ones that pissed me off. Does he not get that I'm mad at him, and don't want to talk to him? How hard is that to get? Huh? Davie Game tonite with Mega-loo! Then Midnight Mission! Heck Freakin YESSSSSSSSS! I hope Jordan is there. He wasn't last week, and it saddened me very muchly. But hey, Megan is going this week, so if he's not there, oh well, my life WILL go on! And oh my... Kara and Casey might go. What fun that would be! OOO WWEEE I would LOVE that! Golly dang, I think that would rock my socks off! Well, I gotta go do some stuff. I'll chat on with ya later! Hit up the cellular! Current mood:  crazy.Current music: Jingle Bells. Today started out good. I had all of my Algebra 2 homework done, and I actually kind of understood it. So I was proud of myself. We had choir black and white pictures made today, so I was happy that I got to dress all up. And also Rose sat infront of me in English, and so that was exciting! But then came choir. Yes yes, it was a tear fest again. But hey, what can I say? I hate crying, but sometimes you just can't really help it. I went in and had my picture taken first thing. I didn't say anything to Mr. Hearn, but I didn't think anything about it. Then after my picture I was sitting there, by myself, minding my own business, and he was like "Pruette, I would hate to put a wrench in your busy schedule, but you have music all over the floor in the practice room". So I was like, "Oh really?" and I went in there to pick it up. But he said it so rudely, that it made me cry. I hate it when people are rude to me, especially when I don't do anything to them. So I cried, but even when he saw I was upset, he didn't say ANYTHING! And that is NOT like him. Last year he would have been right in there asking me what was wrong and trying to help. He would have NEVER been the one CAUSING me to cry. And when he found out that I was crying, he didn't care. But then, Mr. Allred, our assistant choir director, came in and sat down next to me and was asking me what was wrong. He actually cared and he's only known me for like 2 months. Mr. Hearn, he's known me at least a year. That really hurts too. Because when he does this, it makes me feel like I've let him down, and I would rather be stoned to death than let ANYONE down. That is the WORST feeling ever. I HATE letting people down. It just makes me feel like I've failed. I care about Mr. Hearn SO much. He is like, so nice, and I feel so comfortable around him, other than now. I just feel incomplete when he's mad at me. I don't like this, not ONE BIT! I just hope it will all work out. I think I'm going to talk to him tomorrow at school. I just don't know for sure what I plan on saying. I can't be rude, because that will just make things worse. I don't know how it could get worse. I cry every day in that class. I hate that SO much. Again, friends suck. Not all friends. Some of them are still cool, and ya'll know who u r, but some of ya'll, u also suck, b/c ur not there for me in these hard times. Church peeps- it's not ya'll. Ya'll rock. It's all people from school who "claim" to be my friends, but who really couldn't care less if they were paid to. Gosh... life is so confusing. Why go on? That's what I wonder A LOT of times! Well, I'm going to bed. I'm tired of life, and sleep is the only thing that gets me away from it. Hopefully I'll be able to sleep tonight. Just wanna say thanks to 5 people- Kara- You are so supportive through all of this. I know you have problems on your own with my brother and all, but you still care about me. That's GREAT! I cherish our friendship SO much. I wish I could spend more time with you. Casey- Thanks for the comment. Glad to know you're praying for me. You rock girl. Idk if I'm going to the BBQ festival... I'll find out and let you know! Eudy- You are GREAT! You have helped me SO much these past couple of days. I love you girl! Sierra- Same to you girl. Together, the 3 of us can KNOCK IT OUT! Katie- Girl, I'm glad you understand and are willing to help. I love you tons girlie, and don't you ever forget it! You're in a million! Current mood:  depressed.Current music: No one else knows how I feel. "My world is closing in,On the inside But I’m not showing it When all I am is crying out I hold it in and fake a smile Still I’m broken..I’m broken Only one can understand And only one can hold the hand Of the broken.Of the broken When no one else knows how I feel Your love for me is proven real When no one else cares where I’ve been You run to me with outstretched hands And You hold me in your arms Again I need no explanation of why me I just need confirmation Only You could understand the emptiness inside my head I am falling.I am falling I’m falling down upon my knees To find the one who gives me peace I am flying.Lord I am flying I have come to you in search of faith Cause I can’t see beyond this place Oh You are God and I am man So I’ll leave it in Your hands" Yeah, right now my life sucks big time. I'm failing Algebra 2, and we can't afford a tutor. Plus we just had to buy a $175 calculator. And I can't comprehend anything in English. And my choir teacher is beginning to seem like he doesn't care about me anymore. He and I used to be really close last year, and this year it just seems weird around him. And that hurts really bad. And one of my best friends seems really distant from me now. He never tells me anything, and when he does it's criticizing. He never has anything encouraging to say anymore. The guy that I really like seems to not care. My family is falling apart, and I just can't seem to hold on anymore. I hate this feeling, and I hate a certain person for not being here for me through all of this. He just up and left my life with no warning, and I cared SO much about him. He was my strength. I just want to crawl in a hole and hide. The only friend I seem to have anymore is myself. Can I trust anyone anymore? Or will they al ljust break my heart as usual? Why am I being put through all of this at 15? If I hafta go through all of this now, will it get better, or will it continue to get worse? If it gets worse, I don't think I can continue on. I think I'll just have to give up. I don't believe I'm strong enough. I used to be, but I just don't think I can go on. Why should I? What is even left for me? Or is there even anything left? I just gotta figure all of this out. I hate feeling like this, but I think I just have to accept it that this is how it is. Night. Current mood: depressed.Current music: "No one else knows how I feel". It's been a few days, or weeks, since I've written. Idk what to start with, so I'll just start. In parenting I hafta take home this baby. Man, it's gonna be A LOT of HARD work. I hafta keep it 5 DAY! 5 DAYS I TELL YA! I'm gonna go INSANE! Oh well, if I don't do it, I fail. I got a little boy. Anybody have name ideas? I sure don't. Kara, I know you must be SO hurt, and hunnie, I'm sorry. I know that you feel incomplete, but you are still you. Nothing about you has changed, other than the fact that you don't have a guy to define you now. Now, you're you. Not Brad's Girlfriend, but KARA- loving, funnie, nice, pretty, true, real, and god loving. That's you. That's how I would describe you. And I look up to you. SO much! I love you, and nothing will EVER change that. I got a car this weekend! HECK YES PLEASE! Who is excited? Jessica is! OH YEA BUDDIE! It's not new, but hey, it drives, so HERE WE GO! Well, I don't have much more to say, so I'm going to bed. I'm sleepy, and I hafta get up for school in the mornin. Luv ya'll! Cellular- HIT 'ER up! Current mood:  Not sure how i feel..Current music: Building 429. |
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